When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
he was CRYING into my vagina
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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