Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
