That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
