think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Randomize
