just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
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