On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
