Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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