I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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