I need help removing her.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Randomize
