The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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