Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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