He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
i will never coherently bang her
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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