last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
