just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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