Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Randomize
