Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
