a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Randomize
