By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
