Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
