Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
