I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
This toilet bowl is my home.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
