I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Did you pee in the oven last night??
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
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