Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
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