There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Randomize
