and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
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