Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
