Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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