I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Randomize
