Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Randomize
