Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
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