Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
