Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Randomize
