Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Randomize
