My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Randomize
