She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
smell my finger.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
