That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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