You made me cry and you don't even care
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Randomize
