I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
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