And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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