i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
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