I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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