My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Randomize
