you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
tell me about the fingering
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