Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
