no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize