is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
