Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
I checked into jail on foursquare
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
