Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
