I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Randomize
