It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Randomize
