I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
