so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
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