dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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