Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
The air was thick with penises
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
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