I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Randomize
