I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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