Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
These tits shall not be calmed
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
