There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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