That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Randomize
