yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
