this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
