It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I'm both gender and math confused
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize