Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Randomize
