He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
