Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Randomize
