Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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