apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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